


Take me home when I lost myself, Love me better than I love myself

by curly_J



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Bookstores, Bookwom Eliott, Depression, Love at First Sight, M/M, Manic Episode, Nerdiness, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22133194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curly_J/pseuds/curly_J
Summary: Eliott is a hopeless romantic working in a bookstore and Lucas is somehow in need of love.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 3
Kudos: 68





	Take me home when I lost myself, Love me better than I love myself

**Author's Note:**

> AU that nobody asked for but I needed it in my life, so I wrote it. Please also take notice that English is not my first language, so excuse the mistakes. It is also my first fanfic ever so I hope you enjoy it.  
> Regarding the story, Eliott is an external student, so he need not go to university every day, he has just days when he needs to be presented at school, therefore he can work at the shop as much as he does. And the title is taken from the song Clean Eyes by SYML.  
> Hope you like it.

On a cold Wednesday morning, Eliott found himself walking along the Seine. He wasn't in a hurry because he knew that the boss was opening the store today. While taking slow steps, he couldn't resist the smile that was forming on his lips. He loved this kind of weather. Don't get him wrong, he loved summer because he could just lazily lie on the beach or swim in a pool and do nothing, but winter has its own magic too. The temperature was below 0 degrees, therefore, everywhere he looked he saw hoarfrost and lightly sprinkled pavement with the snow. People also bundled themselves in winter jackets or coats, wrapped big fluffy scarves around their necks and wore gloves on their hands or were sipping on some hot drinks. He just loved how amazing it looked.

While still looking around and admiring the scenery, he reached his destination. _Bookland_ , the shop where he's been working for over a year now. While he was focusing on his studies in Classical English literature and his desperate attempt to write a novel of his own, he was also working in a small bookshop. He never thought he would work in a bookstore but one day something brought him inside of this hidden small place and he felt in love with it. The owner, Christina, saw him come back almost every day. Therefore, she offered him a job. While they agreed that after he had done all his duties as an employee and there was no more work for him, he could just watch for the store while he could study or write. She's been a sweetheart to him since the first day, they became an almost instant friend having in a lot in common; they had no romantic feelings for each other because on one night while they hung out together they found that they both swing the other way and almost died of laughter. That night, he even told her about his diagnoses, bipolar. He was in aware when he was saying it to her, he never thought he would tell it to somebody, but she was very supportive and gave him a tight hug and whispered that she is there for him into his ear and she even gave him some extra days off if he needed them. He protested, but after she insisted, so he took them. The thing was that he hadn't had an episode in what felt like forever, he's been taking his meds and honestly, he was at work or at home. There was no between, there were few friends for him, maybe one or two who still talked with him, his classmates who were just that, just familiar faces in a crowd and there was no one in his love life. Of course, he wanted to be in love because he has never been in love. He only read about it and wanted to experience it, but he wasn't sure if he was worth it with his diagnosis.

Suddenly, the happy smile on his face turned into a sad smile. Thinking about love made him somehow sad. He pushed this thought into the back of his head while he was reaching for the door handle. He pushed slightly into the door and the familiar sound of the bell right above him carried its noise into the shop.

“Just a minute, I’ll be there in a second.” The voice too familiar to him shouted from somewhere from the back and he just smiled at the sight of the shop. _Yes, I am home_ , he thought to himself. He considered this his second home because honestly, he spent here more time than at home, probably.

“Don’t worry, it's just me.” He shouted back, while lazily going around the cash register counter to put his stuff behind it. He also stripped from his coat and scarf and put that on the hanger in the bookstore's corner.

“Good morning.” Christine said while carrying two coffee mugs and smiled wildly on him. She handed one mug to him and she kept one in his hand. He accepted it with a wide smile and bought it to his nose to smell it. This was their morning tradition, the person who opened the shop was always the one who made coffee in the morning and they sipped on it while they were talking about their previous days and what they've been up to.

“I need to tell you something.” Suddenly Christine brought him back from his daydreaming.

“Oh god, did I do something wrong? I am not fired, am I?” The shock in his eyes was real, and he started tracing every memory he had on what he had done and why she wanted to fire him. He found nothing. When he looked at her, she just blinked at him with her wild green eyes and smile even brighter as the smile reached her eyes.

“No, you silly. You are the start of this shop. Why would I do that?” She came closer and gave him a big warm hug.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” He joked a little and returned the hug back. It was normal for them to be like this, she was like a sister that he never had to him. “So, what did you want to tell me?” He took the conversation back to the beginning.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Well, don’t get too excited, but I kind of met someone.” He looked at her with a surprise in his eye, yet what followed was a wide grin from him. He is happy for her, she deserved to be cherished.

“So tell me, who is she? Have I seen her before, how long are you guys together? I need to know every detail.” He put his hand under his chin like a little girl and blinked with his eyes.

Christine only laughed at him, but with a warm smile started talking about Olive. He found all the information that he asked for as they met in a café like some kind of cliché, but they clicked instantly. He gave her another hug and then they started their day. She went to the back of the shop to dive into the paperwork which she put aside for a few days, which now started to bother her and Eliott, well he went around the shop to see if there were some misplaced books since customers always took books from their place and put them elsewhere. He also had no delivery for today, therefore, there were no new books for him to put into the shelves. Maybe, just maybe he was glad because he had also some studying to catch up on.

He let out a little sigh and moved back behind the register where he sat on the stool that was there for him. He took out some paper out of his bag, his laptop, and a book he needed to finish to actually work on his assignment. He looked on the book, _The Road_ by _Cormac McCarthy_. It wasn't his favorite book, because it was for his Contemporary Literature class, which in fact he did not enjoy. He was more of an old soul. Therefore, he studied classical literature, but he also needed this class for his studies. With a little disgust, he opened the book where he left in and began his reading.

Wednesdays have been his favorite days because not many people came into the shop. He realized he had not called for Christine's help today at all, but she still came storming from the back of the shop.

“Listen, Eliott, can I leave you here for like a half-hour alone? Olive called me and she wants to meet just around the corner. I promise I won't be too long.” She was already dressed in her coat with a hat and a scarf around her neck.

“I don’t know. I mean I am very busy here as you can see.” He spun around the empty shop but started laughing and nodded in the door's direction.

“Thanks, I'll return the favor, I promise.” She came and squeezed his cheeks and gave him a wet kiss on the left one.

“Just go already, or your lady will leave without you.” He turned her around on her heels and pushed her in direction of the door.

“You are the best.” She shouted at him when she was opening the door. “I know, what would you do without me?” He said jokingly when the door was already closing behind her.

And now he was all alone in the shop. He looked around and slowly made his way back to the book that had been placed next to the register. Without hesitation, he plopped back down on the chair and opened it once again.

He was almost done with the last chapter, but then he heard the ding of the bell on the door and a noise coming from two boys that emerged inside the shop.

“Don’t worry, they won't find us here.” Said one of them. Eliott closed the book and looked at the unknown people who just stormed into the shop. Both of them still stood at the door, but they were facing the doors, not the shop, which made Eliott even more curious.

“Fuck, that was close.” Said the shorter boy. They were still facing the glass door, and both were looking out for something outside. Both ducked when a few people were walking around and to Elliott's amusement, it was a group of girls.

“Shit, shit, shit. Maybe they haven't seen us, we should hide somewhere.” Said the taller one, and now he was the one facing the shop. “I think we have a company.” He pulled the sleeve of the other boy, and now both of them were looking at Eliott.

Not that Eliott would be a drama queen, but honestly he has never seen such a beautiful face before. He met two pairs of eyes, one brown one and one very deep but still light ocean colored blue eyes. No scratch that, they were heavenly blue. No scratch that, they were an unknown blue color, which he could place nowhere.

Eliott realized that he has been only staring at them and they were staring back at him with the wide expression. He almost choked on his own breath that just got stuck in his throat, how could he speak in the presence of the most beautiful human being that appeared in the shop.

“Umm, hey?” The taller one cleared his throat, still looking at Eliott.

“Oh sorry, hello welcome to Bookland. Can I help you?” He snapped back to the reality as he smiled on both of them, but his gaze never leaving the smaller boy, who was still probably in shock.

The taller boy looked back and forth between Eliott and what Eliott assumed was his friend, who yet had to say something.

“Um, no? I mean we are just hiding because we had some stalkers after us.” He joked and moved around the shop.

“Ah, yeah stalkers you don’t want that. Feel free to go around, I’ll be here behind the register if you need something.” He said with a smile and glancing one more time on the smaller boy that still stood unsure near the door.

“Yeah, thanks.” Still no response from the smaller boy, which made Eliott a bit sad, because he wanted to connect the beautiful face with the voice but no luck.

Both of them now started to go around the shop, they disappeared in one of the few corridors and he heard muffled sounds be he dared not to listen to their private conversation. He hasn’t opened the book yet, because he was still very much aware of the presence of the two customers, even thou he knew they won’t buy anything. He just wanted to make sure that he would catch another glance at the unknown boy.

“You don’t even read books.” The taller boy kind of shouted on the smaller one and Eliott looked in the sound's direction.

“Yann, come on.” Eliott at least learned one of the boys' name, sadly not the name he wanted to know, but he was glad he put a name with a face. As he was glancing in their direction, he saw how the smaller boy with a pretty face now put his hands on his hips and it looked like he demanded something, from his friend.

“I said no Lucas and let's go the girls are probably long gone.” Said Yann to Lucas.

Lucas, what a beautiful name for an equally beautiful boy. He wanted to say his name out loud to see how it rolled down on his own tongue and lip but he did not dare to do it with still both boys present in the shop.

They slowly made the way around to the front of the shop and Eliott needed to say something, especially since he was the employee and needed to make sure that the customers were satisfied.

“Anything I can help with?” His gaze traced both boys, who stopped near the register to only smile.

“No, thanks. We are not very good readers. Actually, we don’t read books, you know we rather wait for it to be filmed.” Yann joked and laughed a little bit to which Eliott only returned his smile.

“You know. _In old days, books were written by men of letters and read by the public. Nowadays books are written by the public and read by nobody._ ” Eliott quoted one of his favorite writers, but sadly was met only with confusion, so he added, “It's a quote by _Oscar Wilde._ ” He felt kind of embarrassed and regretted that he said something.

“Sorry, as my friend said we don’t read books so we don’t know who he is.” Sweet melody, the voice of Lucas sounded like honey, such a soothing sound. He wanted to listen to this voice more. He was once again silent for a longer period of time, so he cleared his throat and said, “Yeah, sorry. I hope you liked our shop and that you visit us again?” It sounded more like a question than a statement because Eliott wanted for Lucas to come back. He needed him in his life. He didn’t even know him, yet he felt that Lucas was special, and he wanted to make him special. What was he thinking, the guy was probably straight as a ruler.

“Probably not, but never say never. Thanks anyway,… What did you say was your name again?” Yann spoke again with a warm tone in his voice and Eliott smiled at him.

“I didn’t. Eliott. I’m Eliott.” As he said it, he looked straight deep down into the blue eyes he wanted to see when he wakes up in the morning.

“Well, thanks, Eliott. Maybe see you around.” Said Yann again and led the way to the entrance of the shop. And with another ding, they were gone.

Eliott realized he was screwed. He just probably met his soul mate, but he has done nothing to keep him in his life. He sunk down on the stool and put his head on the counter and groaned. He was really not good at romance.

**Next day**

Thursdays are difficult days. There are usually people always walking in and out of the shop, few deliveries of books, which were out of stock and needed to be restocked or some new book which Christine ordered and hoped would sell because it seemed people were interested in them. Eliott hadn’t slept very well last night because he was just too focused on the pair of eyes that followed him everywhere. He needed to forget about them and move on because he won't see them again and he needed to get back to the reality of his school, work and the non-existing writing life.

He was in one corridor, standing on top of the ladder and he was placing the new books on the shelves and while Christine was on the register when someone came closer to him. He didn’t bother to check he knew he was in the way with the ladder, so he just said, “Just one moment, I´ll put this here and I´ll be out of your way.” He had only a couple of books left.

“No need to worry and I think I need your help.” He almost felt down when he heard the beautiful sound that escaped from someone's mouth. He looked down and was met with even more vibrant blue eyes, which were shining even brighter than yesterday.

“Hey, you’re back,” Eliott said with a wide grin on his face. Lucas only shrugged his shoulders and hid his face, but Eliott still caught the little pink hint on his cheeks. Was he blushing? Eliott thought for himself, but he fought off the thought with the fact that it was winter and in the store was warmness and he probably experienced the change.

Eliott rather rushed to place the books to its new place and climbed down, as he took two steps down at the same time.

“So tell me, Lucas, what brought you back?” Eliott smiled. He knew he was taller than Lucas but still, it made his heart skip a beat. He pictured how it was to just wrap his long limbs around that smaller frame, just to put his head on the top of Lucas’s and just smell his essence because he knew he couldn’t smell bad. He probably smelled like a fresh spring day.

He realized he did it again, so he made a mental note for himself that he needed to quit long staring and do more talking. When he wanted to say something, he was met with a confused look.

“H-How do you know my name?” Lucas still in shocked gazed in aware on Eliott.

Oh shit, he now remembered that Lucas never introduced himself. He was in deep trouble now.

“Ehm, well yesterday you were talking, and I overheard your name. Sorry, I know I shouldn’t be listening to private conversations. Sorry, again?” He said the truth and was afraid that he didn’t scare Lucas away, but his easy smile proved him that Lucas wasn’t going away.

“Oh, I thought you were a wizard. Kind of disappointed.” Lucas now smiling even brighter. His smile warmed Eliott’s heart even more.

“Me and the wizard? I can't be a wizard, I mean, I’m just Eliott. Just Eliott.” As he said those words Lucas’s eyes shined with sparkle and very adorable laughter escaped his mouth. Yup, Eliott knew he wanted this sound to be the melody of his days for the rest of his life.

After he came back from the laughing he said, “I know that that's Harry Potter. I've seen it, sadly for you I haven’t read it but I've seen the movies. They are so good.” Eliott just smiled and started walking in direction of the end of the corridor.

“Yeah, the movies are good, but the books are way better.” He teased him, and Lucas only stuck his tongue out of his mouth, which took Eliott by surprise. He wasn’t ready. He now wanted to feel those lips on his, how smooth yet rich they are against his, how his tongue slips inside his mouth and how passionately he kisses. _Mental note, less thinking, more talking._

“So, how can I help you? You said you needed my help.” He came back to the original start of this conversation and Lucas smiled at him.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe I should give reading a chance, but I don’t know where to start. Like I don’t want to choose a book and hate it and never read again, or read a book and be disappointed or something. So I was….Erhm, so I was wondering that,… well maybe… you could help me choose? Like maybe you could recommend me some of your favorite?” Lucas’s been just adorable now, he seemed a little nervous but also very determined. Eliott just shook his head and smiled at him and took him to the other corridor in the bookstore.

On their way, he was Yann hanging out in the store's front and just nodded in his direction. Yann nodded back with the bright smile.

“FYI I don’t think there are books you hate, you just don’t like them but each teaches you something new.” Eliott looked back at Lucas, who was now following him and again he saw a hint of pink on his cheeks. Maybe he was really blushing? Or was it just Eliott’s imagination?

“You know what I meant.” Lucas’s words took him back to reality.

“Yes, I know I was only teasing you.” They stopped in front of one of the many sections. Lucas looked kind of shocked because the section was Children's Literature. Eliott only smiled and his gaze traced from Lucas’s eyes to his mouth and back and forth. He shook his head and said, “Ok, let me find it.” He smiled and started searching for the book.

“Got it!” he said after a few seconds and pulled out a thin book and handed it to Lucas, who traced the cover of it.

“Seriously? The little prince? Is this some kind of joke?” Lucas’s voice was probably irritated and almost mad. Eliott had to save it somehow.

“No, it's not a joke. This is probably one of my favorite books up to date.” He smiled with a wide grin but Lucas didn’t seem to approve it.

“But I already read this when I was a little kid. You really can’t be serious.” He put the book back into Eliott’s hands and turned around to start walking away, but Eliott’s a free hand caught Lucas’s wrist and for now, he had to ignore the electric sparks that flew from their touch, he needed to persuade Lucas.

“Hold on. You said you read it when you were young, but not now. You should read it, You probably don’t remember it, anyway. I fell in love with it when I read it for a second time and I still come back to it. The story is just so pure and truthful. How we change from children to adults and what becomes from us. Please, just read it okay?” He hoped his persuading was enough for Lucas.

Lucas’s eyes gazed from Eliott’s face to the book in his hand. Eliott heard him sigh, but he took it back to his hand. He observed the book a bit and then said, “Maybe I should give it another go.” He smiled and both of them went to the register.

Christine said nothing but her gaze had definitely a few questions. She moved around so Eliott could take the register. Lucas placed the book on the counter, but Eliott realized something.

“You know what? It's on me since I picked it, and if you don’t like it, you can bring it back and take something else.” He smiled and he felt three pairs of eyes on him and each with a different feeling. He felt confusion from Christine's gaze, surprised form Yann’s and from Lucas’s gaze he felt something strange, he almost wanted to say it was love but it was with a hint of sadness in. Eliott wasn’t sure if he liked it or not.

“I can’t.” Lucas protested and wanted to put the money on the counter, but Eliott caught his hand in his and again felt the electricity that happened earlier when he touched him.

“Please, there is no need. It is my treat, and I also persuaded you into buying it so it is the least I can do.” Lucas moaned, which drove Eliott just a little bit crazy and put the money back into his pocket. He thanked him once again, and with Yann grinning from ear to ear they made their way to the entrance just like the previous day.

Eliott didn’t know why, but he could hear his voice calling for Lucas, and saying “Lucas, remember _the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart_.” 

And with that, both Lucas and Yann were out on the street and Eliott sunk onto the chair.

“Please tell me that what I just witnessed is what I think.” Christine squeaked into Eliott´s ear and he was lost. He alone didn’t know what all of it meant, he only knew he was lost and he needs to stop thinking about Lucas because he will explode. Christine caught Eliott´s frustration and decided to act on it.

“Tomorrow, me and you, drinks after work.” And on that Eliott groaned and put his head on the counter just like he did yesterday, it somehow started to look like that Eliott might hate his life right now.

**Friday evening.**

Eliott hated his life right now. He didn’t like to be surrounded by too many people, and thankfully Christine has known this and she chose a very settle pub near their workplace. It had a very nice atmosphere, but still, he hated his life. He wasn’t ready for the interrogation that he knew followed the ordering of the drinks, Christine settled for a glass of white wine and he just went for his usually bear order.

“So spill the beans, my friend.” They sat in a round booth and they sat right across from each other so they better looked at each other.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. There are no beans to be spilled.” He tried to shrug his shoulders, and he leaned back on the leather seat of the booth.

He, of course, failed because as much as he wanted, Christine was like a lie detector and she knew everything about him, especially when he was lying.

“How about I call bullshit on that? I saw you yesterday with the lad. What's the deal between you two?” She raised her eyebrows from curiosity and placed her hands on the table.

“I have no idea, okay? I mean I don’t even know that guy.” He let out a little chuckle from his lungs. He wanted to continue but saw the waiter with their drinks so he waited until he's gone a little further from their table and continued, “His name is Lucas so you don’t have to call him lad.” Saying his name rolled from his lips way to easily and he loves the sound of his own voice saying it. He got lost again, and he saw the curiosity in Christine's face.

“So, tell me about _Lucas_.” She gave him an encouraging smile, and he knew it was time to start talking, because if he wanted to get home safe and as soon as possible he needed to talk now, otherwise they would have been here until ridiculous morning hours because if Christine wants to know something, she will get her answers.

“I think that is the only thing I know about him. Apart from the fact that his eyes are the most beautiful color I have ever seen, and I can get lost in those heavenly blue eyes of his, like I feel so small when he looks at me because they are so big and bright and I can't breathe because he is just looking at me and I feel like I am melting or dying, probably.” He let out a long breath that he's been holding.

“Oh, baby.” She reached across the table to give his hands a squeeze.

“No, I am not done yet.” He said with a little chuckle and continued, “When he says something, I swear that is the most beautiful melody that I have ever head, it is so smooth and there is no other sound I want to listen to for the rest of my life, and his laugh? Don’t get me started on that, sometimes it is just this cute little chuckle and… and sometimes it is just his beautiful sound how he squeezes his eyes and throws his head little further into the back and I’m just lost.” He lets out another long breath and yeah, he just said it. He almost felt like crying and closed his eyes.

He didn’t know what to do next, he just sat there with this deep down feeling inside his body, and just wanted to cry. He also felt that Christine's hands moved, but soon he felt her body on the left side of his just side hugging him and holding him. She kissed his temple and told him that everything will be good.

“Ehm… Hi?” Said a familiar voice and both Christine’s and his head spring back up to meet Lucas’s sad expression. Christine stopped hugging him but still sat on his left.

“Hey, Lucas. What are you doing here?” If Eliott hasn’t felt like crying, now he definitely was.

“I, I’m just meeting some friends here.” Lucas just looked between both of them, with the saddest expression he has ever seen.

“If there are not here yet, would you like to join us?” Christine asked, still not moving from Eliott’s side, and tried to brighten up the mood of this conversation.

“No thanks, I should probably get going and let you two do to do what you did, whatever. See you around.” And without looking back, he was out of their sight.

“Now, he won’t definitely return to the shop.” Eliott groaned as he realized that this was the possibility that will happen because if Eliott was in his place and saw what Lucas just saw he would never want to see him again. “He looked so hurt. I’m so done.” He shook his head, took the glass with the beer to his mouth and in one swift motion he chugged it.

The night was young, and he knew his life didn’t have meaning anymore.

**Two weeks later**

Christina hated seeing Eliott unhappy. He didn’t want to admit it but he was probably miserable since she also asked him if he is having a depressive episode. That meant that he really looked like shit. Well, he felt like shit, since the person he wanted to see the most hasn’t been in the shop for two weeks. He hasn’t seen Lucas since Friday’s bar hangout and yes he wanted to die because of it.

“Honestly, dude just man up. This is not the end of the world.” Christina brought him back to reality when she handed him his morning mug of coffee. He somehow found the strength to sit straight on the chair placed behind the register and took the mug to his hands.

“Did you just dude me? And sorry, not everybody is happy in love just like you.” He frowned at her, not that he was jealous of her and her girlfriend's relationship. He was genuinely happy for both of them, he even met Olive and she seems very nice, but he wasn’t in a mood to be around people in love. It just made him sick because he wanted to be in love. God, he thought he was in love with Lucas. Those couple of times they met, he felt something that he has never felt before so it must have been the love, he still feels it inside him. The burning flame around and inside his heart that he felt when he thought about Lucas, but he couldn’t do anything about it because he knew nothing about him and he hasn’t been around.

“Yes, I just dude you and don’t worry your prince on a white horse will arrive soon. So stop mopping around, man up and continue living your life.” She told him and rather than watching him mop around for more time, she took her mug and went into the back to do her paperwork. Eliott is sure she felt his cold gaze at her back because he couldn’t say anything back because she was probably right. He was just being silly. He should forget about Lucas. Maybe he wasn’t even interested in him. Maybe he was interested in Christina? Who knows? He took another sip of the coffee and looked around the shop. He saw a few books lying around, so he picked them up and made his way to the shelves where the books were supposed to be placed.

The bell rang, so he swiftly put them back and turned around to see the incoming customer. He expected anybody, honestly, but he wasn’t expecting him. Lucas just stood there, backpack over one shoulder, face buried deep down in his scarf only his ice-cold blue eyes looking right back into Eliott’s. Yup, he felt the anger and sadness in them.

“Lucas,” he started with a cheerful tone in his voice not sure how to continue he chose the less painful way, “what a surprise. Anything I can help with?” He gave Lucas his half-smile, but there wasn’t any emotion in Lucas’s eyes or his body language. _Ouch,_ Eliott thought for himself as he realized that he should have seen this coming.

“I guess.” Came the soft reply, almost too soft because Eliott almost didn’t hear it. “In our drama class, we have to write a paper about that guy who wrote Romeo and Juliet.” He continued still with no change in his emotions in his posture and expression.

“Oh yeah, you mean Shakespeare? Love that dude, so many great plays he had written.” Eliott came closer to Lucas, who was still standing in the original place.

“Yeah, that one.” Lucas said while looking around the shop, when his eyes met Eliott’s he continued, “We have to read one of his plays, Hamlet, and write about it an essay. Do you have the book here?” He hesitated but moved closer into the shop. Eliott was thankful. He even started breathing regularly, almost.

“Well, we are a bookstore, so of course we have it somewhere. And especially Hamlet, that is my favorite play by Shakespeare.” Eliott sent another smile in Lucas’s direction. Lucas’s head was now more poking out from the bundled scarf, and his eyes were now more surprised.

“Really? Why? Isn’t it like lame or something?” He asked out of curiosity. Eliott almost felt on his ass right there, but he managed to stand on his feet but the laughter that followed was priceless, he hasn’t laughed like this in a long time.

“Lucas, Lucas, Lucas. I guess for some people it can be lame, but for me… For me, it is not. I love the story, it has mystery and ghost in it.” He smiled and started walking to the drama section of the books, he was surprised as he found out that Lucas was following him. “You know, Shakespeare was a man of many talents and he could catch everything in his writing. You can feel the emotions from the text.” He smiled and handed him the book. Lucas accepted it and looked at the cover, he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times as he wanted to say something and then finally he spoke to Eliott.

“I guess it can be interesting, but I don’t know what to write about. We should choose one topic and write about it. But the only thing I know is that stupid quote _to be or to be, that is the question_. What that is not it, is it?” Lucas now looked on Eliott and his eyes changed the coldness and were warmer than before. _How is that possible_? He thought for himself but smiled a little on Lucas’s attempt to quote Shakespeare but failed miserably.

“Yeah, kind of wrong. It should be _to be or not to be, that is the question_. But for a guy who doesn’t read solid attempt, I give it like 6.5 out of 10.” He teased him, but almost regretted it because he forgot it was Lucas who he was speaking to, but what followed caught Eliott by surprise.

“You know what, fuck you. I would give myself solid 8.” With a proud smile, both started laughing out loud and it was so great to hear Lucas laugh again. Eliott didn’t want to admit it, but the flame inside him burned more than before.

“You know, you could write about love,” Eliott suggested, and Lucas’s eyes widened.

“There is also love in it?” He asked with a surprise in his voice and Eliott really wanted just kiss him right there on the spot, but he had to shake the feeling away.

“Um, duh. It's Shakespeare. Like Hamlet's love for his family, for his country and also for Ophelia. Can I give you a quote to think about?” He asked for permission and when Lucas shook his head in the yes motion, Eliott cleared his throat and started his dramatic performance as he quoted the best quote in Hamlet.

_“Doubt thou the stars are fire;  
Doubt that the sun doth move;  
Doubt truth to be a liar;  
But never doubt I love.”_

As he finished, he bowed his head and looked up to meet Lucas’s gaze. He was fondly smiling at him, and his eyes were brighter than ever.

“How do you do this, and how do you know so much?” Lucas asked when they walked back to the register, their shoulder slightly bumping into each other and Eliott inner self screamed on the touch, even though it was with clothes he still could feel the energy that vibrated from the smaller boy.

“As you probably noticed, I am kind of a bookworm. I love my books, and I also study Classical literature.” He tried to hide his shy smile, but Lucas’s smile was even wider this time.

“And I really thought you were the wizard. But studying literature is also kind of cool.” He admitted and Eliott’s heart could explode on the spot. He just loved how Lucas tried to compliment him.

“Kind of cool? You can live in different lives every time you read a new book. I always imagine I live in the same universe as the characters, and I imagine my life. Sometimes I am just a broken musician living on new York’s streets, or a famous artist who sells his pictures around the world, and an important astronaut on a dangerous mission or even head of the Italian mafia. One time I was a woman.” He tried to explain it to Lucas and when he said it, he almost regretted it but Lucas had again a blush in his cheeks. “Well, sorry I just got carried away.” He then in hurry punched in the register the code and everything, ignoring Lucas’s gaze.

“You don’t have to apologize, it is actually adorable how you are invested into something like that.” His smile assured him that he, in fact, means it.

“Thanks, I guess?” He just returned. Both were gazing at each other for kind of longer time and he swears they were moving closer and closer but of freaking course, Christine decided to make an appearance. _Mental note number two, Christine is a love blocker never do anything when she is around._

“Oh, hey Lucas.” She greeted him with a warm smile, but his gaze froze and his eyes again turned into more cold wintery color.

“Hey, so what do I owe you?” He brought his attention to Eliott without emotion in his face.

“It's 7.99 €.” He smiled, but there was nothing in return, he just took the money out of his pocket, showed them on the counter, took the book and walked out of the store. Eliott heard only soft thanks and bye, but maybe he was mistaken.

At that, he glanced in Christine's direction and he swears if she hadn’t been his best friend and boss, he would probably murder her on the spot.

She nodded to the door with a raised eyebrow and asked, “What was that about?” To which Eliott only groaned and once again plopped down on the chair.

“I don’t know. While you were back, there we were just talking and everything seemed to be okay.” He said looking at her with sadness. “Do you think, maybe that he thinks that, you know, we are like a couple?” He asked the question that has been bothering him since that Friday.

“Maybe. When he comes back, you should ask him.” She kind of wanted to give him hope, but what she found in return was his idea of truth.

“You mean _if_ he comes back.” He corrected her with a sad smile and put his head into his hands.

_Yup, he isn_ ’ _t coming back;_ he thought for himself.

**Two weeks later**

On Saturday, it was the worst working time because the time dragged itself. It took forever to be almost their closing time. Christine was doing the usual hanging around Eliott talking about the plans she had with Olive for today. He found himself smiling at it; he was glad that they actually worked together. Their closing time was 7 pm and the clocks stroke half past 4 so they started cleaning. Eventually, Eliott started taking the trash outside. He opened the entrance door because their trash bin was placed outside the shop. While putting it inside he heard a weird noise from his right. As soon as he turned his head, he started running.

The picture he saw was horrible, and he wished he would forget it but there was no way. He saw Lucas at the ground being beaten up by some guy. He chased to them and threw the guy to the ground.

“What the fuck is your problem.” He shouted as he tried to help Lucas to his feet. They turned into the direction of the bookshop and he saw Christine in the doorway with wide expression. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned way too fast and Lucas felt to the ground, but he at least blocked the fist that came from the guys. As he was blocking it, with his second hand gave him a punch to his jaw that hurt his fist but he didn’t care. No one should touch Lucas.

“Fuck you, man. And fuck you to Lucas, run to your little boyfriend you little sissy.” He shouted and spit in their direction but turned around and started walking away.

Eliott turning back to Lucas, who was now standing on his feet by himself, hurried to his left side and helped him walk inside the shop.

“Are you OK?” Eliott asked as they entered the shop and Christine closed and locked the door behind them, even thou they were supposed to be open for another 15 minutes.

Lucas just whined as he sat on the chair that Christine brought from the back. Eliott took out some tissues and started cleaning Lucas’s face. “I guess.” Was his reply as he looked on Eliott. Christine also went into the back room and brought a package of ice from their freezer. The ice was cold, but Lucas was glad that he could feel it.

“Who was it?” Christine asked when she was putting the ice over his eye. He locked eyes with Eliott and with a deep breath that he exhaled just said, “My ex-boyfriend.”

Eliott’s face turned into the cold gaze as he stood up and announced, “I’m going to kill him. He shouldn’t touch you like this.” He wanted to hurry to the doors when Lucas’s hand grabbed him and stopped him.

“No, please, he is not worth it. He is gone. Don’t worry about me. I am a big boy and can take care of me.” He tried to smile, but his left side of the face was so bruised that smiling was probably too painful for him.

“Really? Look at you, he got you good.” He took the ice from Christine and it was now him on the left side of Lucas. They looked into each other’s eyes, Eliott found only fear in Lucas’s eyes and he swore to himself that if he sees that bastard one more time he will kill him.

“Sorry to bother you. I should get going. You probably have plans and I’m just troubling you.” He tried to get up, but this time it was Eliott’s had that caught Lucas’s wrist and pulled him back on the chair.

“No, only Christine has plans with her girlfriend and she should probably get going or she’ll be late.” He looked with a daring glare in her direction and she got the memo. She slowly went to the back to pick her coat and scarf. While she was gathering her stuff, Eliott looked at Lucas and he found now confusion in his face.

“Hold on, you two are not together?” He asked and winced when Eliott moved the ice pack, little lover, under his eyes.

“Me and him? God no, he is a good kid, but you know I am more into the ladies.” Christine almost sing sang the words as she passed them and smiled wildly. “If you excuse me, boys, my girlfriend is waiting for me. Have a safe night, stay as long as you need, but Eliott dim the lights so people don’t think we are still opened. And behave yourself. Love you.” And with those words, she was gone.

Eliott stood up and switched light so the light wasn’t as vibrant. It was low lightning, but he could still see Lucas and his new cuts and bruises, his strong features, full plumb lips and his blue eyes which were now dark. He almost didn´t recognize them. He came back and plopped on the ground next to Lucas.

“Is it true? You are not a couple? But what about that one time in the pub? I thought you are together.” He shook his head and dipped his head low so he was avoiding Eliott’s eyes.

Eliott didn’t let him thou. He brought his fingers to Lucas’s chin and brought it back so he was facing him. “There is nothing between me and Christine. She is my boss and my best friend. That one time in the pub, she was comforting me because I was sad. You know, there is this one boy that I really, but really like and he is so darn cute, his eyes are this vibrant blue color that change based on his feeling that I swear is impos—” He wanted to continue but he was cut short because Lucas was kissing him.

Lucas was kissing him. If this was a dream, he did not want to wake up. It felt just like he imagined it, maybe even better. His lips smooth and rough at the same time drove him crazy, and the fact that he opened his lips and invited Eliott’s tongue inside his mouth was another story. The kiss was passionate full of different emotions but it was also so simple and he could get use to this feeling. After what felt like forever, they pulled from each other but their foreheads touching.

“That was something,” Lucas says, and the only thing Eliott could have done was to kiss Lucas, so he kissed him. This time only small pecks on his lips, on his forehead and on his nose, he just couldn’t get enough of kissing him.

“So I take it that you like me?” Lucas was again the one who spoke, and this time Eliott laughed so hard.

“Like you? I adore you, Lucas, since the first time I saw you, I knew that there was something magnificent about you. You are my light, I am miserable and empty when I don’t see you, and I feel full and alive when I am with you. You are the reason why I want to wake up in the morning. Even thou we don’t know each other I feel that we have special…” he wanted to finish his sentence but Lucas did it for him, with the only fitting word _connection_ , and they kissed more. He cannot wait to kiss Lucas more, now he has him he is his and nothing can take him away from him.

“You know,” Eliott says when they pull away again “when I look at you, all in my mind screams this quote, sorry my non-book friend.” He laughed and started reciting, and he felt loved by Lucas.

My steps are nightly driven,  
  
---  
  
By the fever in my breast,  
  
To hear from thy lattice breathed  
  
The word that shall give me rest.  
  
Open the door of thy heart,  
  
And open thy chamber door,  
  
And my kisses shall teach thy lips  
  
The love that shall fade no more  
  
_Till the sun grows cold,_  
  
_And the stars are old,_  
  
_And the leaves of the Judgment_  
  
_Book unfold!_  
  
“You are nerdy sap, but you are my nerdy sap. Come here.” Lucas said with almost tears of happiness in his eyes and brought their lips together again. Eliott easily could get used to this.

**Two weeks later**

Eliott was living his dream. He just loved his life right now. The spring was coming back into Paris and everything started to be freshly woken by the beautiful weather. He loved the light sunshine on his skin, but what he loved more was the light in Lucas’s eyes. The sun was shining even if it was night because Lucas was this big ball of energy and he loved it. Of course, there were days when one of them was tired or one of them had a bad day, but it just was over the moon how they completed each other and lifted each other.

In the course of the two weeks’ time, they got to know each other more and more. Of course, there were more secrets to be discovered, but now they were happy together. Lucas usually dropped by the store after his school was done spent a couple of hours there doing his homework or just watching Eliott to his assignments for his classes. Lucas also became friends with Christina, so now they were like a big family.

It was Wednesday and Eliott felt more than okay even thou he had slept little last night.

“Let's do something fun at the weekend. What do you say?” He suddenly blurted out of himself when Lucas was packing his things. He promised that he'll meet Yann for a kebab.

“Sure. You know I’m down for everything.” He smiled and came closer to the register. He reached for Eliott’s chin and brought his face up so he could kiss him properly for goodbye.

“I'll figure something out and I’ll let you know.” He smiled and pecked Lucas’s lips for the last time before he had to leave.

He started planning the perfect date for them because Lucas needed to be cherished because he was the best thing that happened to him.

**Saturday**

Eliott hasn’t slept since Wednesday, but he had so much energy to give that he didn’t need it. He wrote to Lucas that he’ll meet him around 6 pm at his place. Eliott learned that Lucas wasn’t living with his parents anymore, but he was living with some two different roommates.

“You okay?” Christine asked him probably 40 times since Wednesday and he had no idea why she was asking. He felt like he could run a marathon and climb every mountain in the world, of course, he was okay.

Now it was Saturday, and he had his big date with Lucas. He told him to dress nicely because Eliott reserved them a table in one of the best restaurants in the city.

It was almost 6, and he was waiting for Lucas outside the flat-share. He bumped from one place to another and tried to stand on a big rock only at one foot to see if his balance was still in perfect shape. He hopped and twirled because he felt like he could do anything. He saw that Lucas was opening the doors, so he ran to the entrance and welcomed him with the biggest kiss on the mouth and then started kissing his face.

“Whoa, you want to kiss me to death?” Lucas joked but still connected their lips together, but now for the longer kiss than just a peck.

“Come on, I don’t want to be late.” Eliott hopped in front of Lucas, who only laughed, but he let Eliott drag him to the restaurant.

When they entered into the restaurant, they were met with a hostess.

“Good evening, can I help you?” Said the lady behind a small counter.

“Yes.” Eliott smiled with the wide grin and continued, “reservation for _Roseto_.” He felt a harsh tug on his left side and when he found Lucas’s eyes they were curious and he is pretty sure he wanted to ask _What the fuck_? Bu Eliott only shrugged his head and gave him an answer with his own eyes, _Later._

“Yes, you can follow me.” She smiled and led them just a couple of steps from the counter. She pointed on the two seats and gave them the menu.

“Our waiter will be right with you, enjoy your evening gentlemen.” She smiled once more and came back to her post behind the counter.

Lucas immediately kicked Eliott’s leg under the table to which surprise Eliott didn’t react at all.

“Mr. Roseto? Seriously?” Lucas raised his eyebrows as he opened the menu from the restaurant.

“What, I just wanted to use a different name. You know you look in this light very sexy.” He smiled and leaned closer as he waited for Lucas to close the gap with his lips. He did and then they both returned to the looking on the menu.

“Eliott, there are no prices next to meals.” Lucas protested, but Eliott took his hand into his and squeezed it.

“Don’t worry, baby. I got it covered.” He smiled and looked back on the menu.

Everything looked amazing just from the name of it and he wanted to try everything. When the waiter came and took Eliott’s order, Lucas was even more surprised. The food just kept coming to their table.

“I think it's too much, Eliott.” Lucas tried to protest when they were served their fourth appetizer.

“What are you talking about? You deserve the world so let's celebrate.” Eliott smiled and drank from his very expensive champagne. “You know, this will be also on our wedding menu.” He smiled and Lucas just stared at him.

“Our w-wedding?” Lucas stuttered a little bit and bit his bottom lip. That drove Eliott crazy.

“Yes. Fuck. Our wedding will be in a big church, no better in the big castle. Yes, the castle. And there will be so many people that even the church will be small.” He put a piece of bread in his mouth but that didn’t stop him from talking, “and the menu will be big so everybody will have to try everything. And our wedding cake, it will be 4, no 7, no 12. Yeah, 12 layers, and it will be this huge buttercream cake or chocolate? What do you like more? You know what it will be 6 buttercreams and 6 chocolate layers. Yes, that will be perfect.” He smiled for himself and another main meal arrived at their table.

Lucas's eyes felt uneasy on Eliott and there was the question he heard for a 41st time this week, “Eliott, are you OK?” Lucas had a worry in his tone, but Eliott just smiled with the biggest grin from one ear to another.

“I am fucking fabulous.” He took another glass of the expensive champagne and started eating the duck or was it the rabbit that was and their plates, Lucas was lost.

Eliott sat straight, and the hostess walked past them with somehow smile and Eliott gave Lucas half-smile.

“It's our time, ready?” He squeezed his hand and Lucas was more confused than ever.

“Our time, for what?” He didn’t understand anything. He was kind of shocked about how things were going.

“To run.” Eliott said and pulled Lucas to his feet and sprinted out of the restaurant into the kind of cold evening. They were running and looking behind them to check if somebody was following them, even thou nobody was following them, they still kept running. When they stopped to catch their breath, Lucas showed Eliott.

“What the fuck was that? Are you crazy or what?” He shouted and crossed his hands on his chest.

“What? That? It was just fun.” He laughed and came closer to Lucas, but he turned his back to him. He kissed the back of his neck but stopped because a new thought emerged from his brain. They stood on the bridge and under the bridge there was the river.

“I have an idea. Let's go skinny dipping in the Seine.” He said and started walking to the end of the bridge.

“What? Eliott, you can’t be serious.” His voice was almost broken as his mind. He looked at Eliott, who was deadly serious because he was already taking down his jacket.

“Eliott, it’s too cold, and the water flow is too strong.” He protested, but Eliott had his own mind. Lucas didn’t know what to do. He fished out his phone from his pocket and dialed Christina’s number.

“Hey, what's up sweetheart? How's the date going?” She sounded so happy, Lucas was sad that he had to tell her something was wrong.

“It's a disaster. It's Eliott, I don’t know what is wrong, but he just ran out of the restaurant without paying and now he wants to go skinny dipping in the Seine.” He sounded broken.

“Shit, shit, shit. I knew something was wrong. Lucas, where are you?” He heard a protesting noise in the phone's background, still checking Eliott with one eye he was almost naked but didn’t know how to get to the river, thankfully.

“I don’t know we ran from the restaurant and I don’t know, I’ve never been here before.” He sounded scared.

“Lucas, find the name of the street and just text me the address. I am on my way.” She ended the call and Lucas looked for the name of the street. He had to walk close to the second end of the bridge to read the sign. As he scribbled the words to his phone, he looked back to the second end of the bridge, but Eliott was nowhere to be seen.

“Eliott. Eliott.” He started to scream and cry, he saw his clothes on the ground, there were trousers, a jacket, a shirt, and even his briefs. Shit, he hoped he didn’t jump, but he heard no sound that something felt into the water.

He was scared and alone. Christine came within the next 10 minutes and Lucas told her everything that had happened before they came to the bridge. She hugged him tightly and dialed 911 and also called to Eliott’s parents. Lucas was in shock because he had no idea what was happening.

“Lucas, baby. I think it's better you go home. I know you want to find him, but let’s leave it to the police.” She suggested, but he only shook his head and protested, “No, I´m not going I´m his boyfriend and I need to find him.” He started walking in circles. “Is it my fault? Have I done something bad?” He could feel the tears in his eyes forming, he blinked rapidly but it didn’t help.

“Lucas, look,” she came closer and hugged him one more time. “I promise you it's not you. But you need to listen to me. Go home and rest. I'll write to you as soon as I find some new information. You must be scared and exhausted.” She said, and he didn’t want to admit that he, in fact, was exhausted, he wanted to do something but he didn’t know what so he went home.

He called a taxi and as soon as he came to his room he hit the bed but he couldn’t sleep. 4 hours later and he got a text from Christine.

**Christine ♥:** We’ve found him, He's OK

_Lulu:_ Thank God, when can I see him?

**Christine ♥:** I think it's good that you don’t see each other for a while.

_Lulu:_ WTF, what do you mean?

**Christine♥** : Sorry, but I can’t explain it. But he needs space.

_Lulu:_ You kidding. I want to see him.

_Lulu:_ Christine, what's wrong?

_Lulu:_ Please answer me.

_Lulu:_ I love him.

_Lulu:_ Please.

**Monday**

Monday couldn’t come sooner. Lucas skipped his classes and instead of that, he went straight to _Bookland_. It was already opened, so he just pushed the doors. When he came inside, Christine already looked at him.

“Lucas, you shouldn’t be here. You should be in school.” She stood up and came to him, he almost believed that she wanted to throw him out but when she saw the deep dark bags under his eyes and tears that were forming in his eyes, she just hugged him.

Lucas didn’t know how long they were hugging, but he needed that.

“Please, tell me he is okay, that nothing happened to him.” He demanded, she pulled him even closer and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

“Yes baby, he is okay. He is at home.” She hummed into his hair and she felt how he relaxed in her embrace.

“Why can’t I see him?” He pulled away and looked deeper into her eyes, looking for answers.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea .” She only said and turned around to go back behind the register, but Lucas looked her hand and placed it on his heart.

“Do you feel this, because I can’t until I see him and I know that he is okay. If he doesn’t want to see me, he has to be the one who should tell it to me.” He protested and the first tear rolled down his cheek, he knew he couldn’t live without Eliott, and he was sure it was also the other way around so he didn’t believe her when she said he didn’t want to see him.

“Listen. It's not my place to say. I think he wants to see you, but not now.” She protested and now she came around the register and sat down on the chair. There was a chair opposite her so he sat down there.

“What is not your place to say? What is going on, why was he acting so strange?” He started to be more confused, and he heard Christine's deep sigh.

“Okay, but don’t be mad at me or him. He wanted to protect you.” She gave him a half-smile, but continued, “You know Lucas, Eliott is sick. But not sick as most people are. He just, fuck how to explain this.” She took her hands to her face and brushed the non-existing hair that she had. “Okay, probably straight to the point,” she started once again, “he is bipolar Lucas.” She told him while looking deep down into his eyes. He was still confused, so she asked him, “Do you know what is the bipolar disorder?” But he shook his head in the answer no.

“Okay, well bipolar is a mental illness. He, well he has his medication but his parents found them in his drawer so he probably stopped taking them. Bipolar is a so-called manic-depressive illness. People suffering from the illness can experience different mood swings and manic episodes, what you saw on Saturday. I should have seen it. I should have known.” She started explaining, but then she started blaming herself so now it was Lucas’s turn to give her a hug.

“Thank you, Lu. Where was I?” She asked as he squeezed her hand, “yes manic episodes. I've never seen him with his episodes because he was on his medication but the signs were there. He was just too hyped. He had so much energy and talked about everything and nothing at the same time.” This hit him so hard because he started to remember Eliott’s behavior from that night and everything was just like she said.

“Okay, and what happened now. Is he okay, is he still manic or what?” He blurred out because he needed to know.

“Well, I told you there are two types of episodes manic and depressive. When he is manic, he sees it that he is untouchable like he can do anything, but it's just an illusion in his head. He is so high, like on a drug, that when this episode ends, there comes the depressive episode and it just hits him. Every bit of energy he had is now sadness and his parents told me this has been the worst depressive episode he has ever had.” When she finished, both of them just started crying. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He needed to see him and tell him everything will be okay.

“I want to see him.” Lucas broke down into the sobs and pushed away the tears from his eyes. This could not be happening.

“I think he needs to be alone now. All he is doing is sleeping and sleeping. But I promise, if I hear something from him, you'll the first person who will know something.” She bumped into his shoulder and he knew she was telling the truth, but how long it will take? He swears he will lose his mind.

**Two weeks later**

Lucas was losing his mind. He didn’t sleep very well since that night, he barely ate and his grades haven’t been great either. But he couldn’t think straight. He missed Eliott; He wanted to just see him, hug him, kiss his fears and worried away and tell him that everything will be fine.

He also texted with Christine here and there and they had a couple of lunches together, but sadly none of them knew nothing more. It was Tuesday evening, and he was writing his drama essay on Hamlet. He almost forgot about it, but now when he had nothing to do he decided it is good to do this. He even remembered the conversation with Eliott, his bright eyes when he talked about Shakespeare and the excitement in his voice. God, he missed him so much. He was almost at the end of his essay when his phone buzzed, probably just Yann wanting to hang out, but out of curiosity, he checked it.

**Christine♥:** He's coming tomorrow.

_Lulu:_ You are the best, thank you. I love you so much, but don’t tell it to Eliott.

**Christine♥:** Yes, love you too and see you tomorrow.

**Next day**

Yes, so this was happening. Eliott didn’t know why he hadn’t quit, maybe because this bookshop has been everything to him since day one. He could get lost here with his thoughts and dreams. While he knew he still felt a little depressed, he needed to put his life back on track. He started to take his meds again and was feeling better, but this episode was the worst. Usually, it was only himself that he let down but now; it was also Lucas. He doesn’t remember much from that day; It is only blurred, but he remembers the fear in his eyes and he is sure he hurt him and scared him. That is why his episode was longer and more intense, he was afraid also about him. He couldn’t risk putting him into danger.

He strolled to work; He wasn’t entirely sure how it will go, but he hoped for the best. As he once again found himself in front of the doors he smiled, maybe today won’t be as bad as he thinks. He pushed open the door and immediately was found with a pair of big green eyes that smiled on him. Oh, how he missed her, he smiled as they both run to each other’s arms. The hug was tight and full of love that was what he needed.

“I missed you so much,” Christine whispered into Eliott’s ear and kissed his cheek with a wet kiss.

“I missed you more.” He smiled and returned the wet kiss. They pulled from each other and Christine went to the back of the room.

He smiled as he saw the familiar books at the same spot, the same old register, and his favorite stool behind it. He plopped down on the chair and smiled for himself. Yes, this is where I am meant to be now. His smile was even brighter when he saw Christine with two mugs of coffee and a plate with two croissants.

“You are the best.” He almost sings sang and took one mug and the croissant from her.

“No, I am not.” She said and sat across him on the chair, her smile faded a bit and a voice got softer.

“What? Who told you that? I will kick their asses. Was it Olive?” He stood up and raised his eyebrows.

“No, Olive is amazing, but I am not the best. I am so sorry, I should have known something was wrong, you know when you had your manic episode.” She looked in his eyes with sadness and almost tears in her eyes. He immediately came to her, dropped on his knees, put her mug and a plate with croissant aside and took her hands in his.

“Please don’t blame yourself. You have never seen me have an episode you had no idea what was going on. I don’t blame you, it is just what it is. I survived and here I am.” He kissed her hands and hugged her one more before whispering into her ear “and if I say you are the best, then you are. Don’t argue with me.” He smiled, gave her a peck on the cheek, and with the smile returned behind the register.

He hasn’t even sat down and he gave him another question.

“Have you talked with Lucas yet?” And with those words, he just froze. Of course, he has thought about Lucas and what will happen to them. He missed him like crazy but remembering how broken he was that night, he knew there was only one solution and to end it. But he hoped it would come naturally, that Lucas would forget about him. He had to think he was crazy and eventually he would realize that they don’t have a future together.

With a deep breath, he turned around so he could face her and sat down.

“Not yet. I hope he won’t come looking for me and we will leave everything behind. It's for the best. He was so broken and scared. I can’t put him through that. It's not fair for him.” He said with the sad smile and bitten into the croissant. He also saw how surprised Christine was, but she just nodded and went to the back to probably catch up on the two weeks old paperwork.

The day has been good so far, a lot of nice customers, some dicks but it was mainly very good. He checked the time it was almost 4 pm, how the time flies, he told himself when he started doing some of his assignments he was behind and he needed to catch up.

When the bell rang he didn’t even bother to look up, he just mumbled the word, welcome to Bookland, please look around and if you need my help, I am here. And continued writing to his notebook.

“Eliott.” He heard his name. It was his voice, the voice he thought he won’t hear again, the sweet honey melody.

“Lucas, you can’t. No, please leave. You shouldn’t be here.” He protested and stood up, going around the counter just to push Lucas away.

“What? No!” Lucas protested, but Eliott tried to push him away.

“No, Lucas, leave I, I am not good for you. I only hurt you. You don’t deserve this. You deserve something better. I am just a burden.” He almost cried, he didn’t know if it was from anger, sadness or fear.

“What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? You are the greatest single thing that has ever happened to me.” He wanted to hug him, but Eliott only turned away from the hug.

“No, Lucas. I am not. Please, just leave. I can’t do this. I will hurt you. I have already hurt you. This won’t work out.” He cried out loud and tears were slowing falling down on his cheeks.

Lucas came closer and brought Eliott’s chin up with his fingers. He pushed away from the tears that were streaming down his face. “You are my everything. I won’t give up that easily on you. It's you and me forever.” And Lucas kissed him, slowly brought his lips onto Eliott’s. He traced back the memories of his lips just to remember how they felt against his. He kissed his cheeks and kissed away his tears.

Eliott couldn’t believe that he boy who’s been hurt by his still wanted him. He just had to make sure, so he pulled away and looked into those oceans’ eyes to look for the answer.

“Lucas, you still want me? Even after all of that? How I hurt you?” Lucas’s eyes only widened and pushed a piece of hair from Eliott’s forehead and he put his own against Eliott’s.

“Babe, you didn’t hurt me. You could never hurt me.” And he kissed him one more time, this time little aggressively because he missed him and he needed him. Eliott repeated the kiss. He just needed to feel that he was there. Once again he broke the kiss.

“Are you really sure?” Eliott once more asked.

To his surprise, what followed shocked him.

“ _There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights._ I love you, you dumbass.” Lucas said with a calm voice and smiled. Eliott immediately grinned.

“Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend, I remember that he didn’t like reading books before?” He smiled but brought his lips back to Lucas’s, just to break them apart in a short moment. “Oh, and I love you too.” He smiled into the following kiss, but he had to break it again and said, “And yes maybe I am a dumbass, but I am your dumbass.” Now Lucas was fed up but still grinned.

“Just shut up and kiss me properly, you fool.” And now, Eliott did. He kissed him with force and passion but also with determination and faithfulness. He loved Lucas and Lucas loved him. This is how it meant to be. He was the happiest and nothing could take that away from him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it and you are satisfied. xoxo


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